What is Family

Today I  am reflecting on family.  When I became a mother 20 yrs ago I made a decision that the one thing I  was going to give to my daughter was the knowledge that she is loved.  I  know that as  parents we try our best to guide our children to make good choices in life and to find happiness along their journeys However,  another thing I  wanted to impart to my daughter is that she is loved and accepted for who she is and will become.

As a child, my parents provided us with a roof over our heads and materials comfort.   I believe the term was upper middle class.  The one thing that was lacking was emotional nurturing.  I don'the know, maybe it was because I  was born into a family where children were to be "seen and not heard" or maybe my parents were raised by emotionally distant parents themselves. I just know that to this day I  do not feel an emotional connection to my mother.  My father passed away 2 yrs ago.  He was a hard worker and always made sure we had food,  clothing, and shelter.   However, did I  really know my dad..not really.  My parents never really understood mental illness.  My mother still doesn't.   She still uses terms to refer to people with mental health issues  as "those people are crazy."  Sometimes I  want to turn to her and say,"Hey mom, I  am one of those people. "  She often mentioned that I  use my disorders as a crutch when I  try to explain that I  sometimes need self care or when I  state I am doing the best I can in my life.  I  always  have to hear that other people have problems so "deal with it."  I sometimes get tired of trying to explain myself .

So I  decided that the one thing I  am going to try to give my daughter is compassion and acceptance.   True I can not necessarily give my daughter all the material things my parents have provided me
I am grateful for those things.  Yet, I  can not help feeling that my parents understanding who I am and taking an interest in my life as well as their granddaughter would have meant as much.

Thus, I chose a slightly different route.  I try to take an interest in my daughter's life. I  parent but I  also try to listen as well.  My daughter is really an amazing young woman.   I an so proud of the person  she is becoming.

 I  wish I  could say that my mother  could say the same for me.  But then she would actually have to have taken the time to get to know me. I  know my mother loves me.  It's just that I have never really felt it...