SOME WORDS OF WISDOM BY RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Let me start by saying I do not believe in making New Year resolutions.   I find too many people make very generalized goals such as "I am going to lose weight this year or I am going to quit smoking" without any plan of how they are going to achieve those goals.    What often happens, is that after a month or so the drive to obtain the goals decreases and eventually there is no follow through.   Then an individual may berate themselves over yet another "failure" which causes decreased self-esteem, frustration,  and sometimes depression.

However, that does not mean I don't believe in starting the New Year with an optimistic view.  I find that inspirational quotes by the legendary  poet, lecturist, and essayist,  Ralph Waldo Emerson, reflect the power an individual has in creating and determining their own destiny. 


"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.  "

This quote instructs us that we determine the paths we choose to follow in life.    It states that we as individuals create our own destiny.   I'm not saying that outside factors can not influence our choices but ultimately we make the choice on how we respond to those factors.   Some ideas to help find that destiny include: finding things in our lives that make us smile and laugh,  make some time in your life to play,  listen to your intuition, celebrate your small victories,  and be gentle with yourself. 

 So often people become frustrated if they do not succeed in an endeavor right away.   Life is about growth, learning, and change.   How can we grow if we don't make mistakes?  If something does not work out for us that is a sign that we need to make a change somewhere.  Many of our role models have struggled first before they achieved their desired goals.    Also do not let anyone tell you what your limits are.   That is for you to decide and no one else.  


"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

Once again this quotes empowers the individual to choose how we are affected by the external world.  It allows us the idea that we make the decision to either live in suffering or peacefulness.   That is not to say that we can not feel pain, loss, or sadness.  It just means that we can make the decision not to wallow in that misery.  It says we are able to find peace within ourselves by believing in our strengths and honoring our achievements.  Most of all I think it means celebrating our own uniqueness as individuals.   

There is a reason it is stated that "there is no one else quite like you."  It's true.   Each and every one of us have are own special qualities and traits. 


 Wouldn't it me nice to start this new year off by appreciating all that is you?

DEFINE NORMAL - FIND THE COURAGE TO STAY STRONG

  

I did something amazing 34 years ago.   I decided to not give up.   I admit I wanted to.   I really, really,wanted  to.  I was tired, confused, overwhelmed,and frightened.  I had no idea what was wrong with me.   At times I was seemingly "normal."   I had friends, interests, hobbies, and dreams.  Other times I was someone else.   A secret person who I did not understand.    This someone had thoughts that would bother her until she acted out in compulsive behaviors to mollify those thoughts.   This someone also had other compulsions such as twitching or vocalizing sounds when the urge came on to do so.   I can remember as far back as 6 yrs old lining up my the stuffed animals I slept with every night in just the "right"way.   If I did not get it "right" I would proceed to jump in and  out of bed the number of time my current age and repeat.  

 I was 18 years old the time I contemplated giving up.  I didn't really have a plan.  I just knew I wanted it to stop.  I was tired of living two lives. My brain was exhausted from unrelenting thoughts that drove me to perform odd ritualistic behaviors.  I had just graduated high school and was going to start college in a few months.   I so scared.  I  made it through that summer though.  True, I ended up pulling out most of my eyebrows and eye lashes during those summer months.  My college career began with my wearing lots of eye liner pencil. The crux is I did not give up.  I didn't allow my fear and exhaustion to overtake me to a point of no return.  

How did I manage?  Honestly, I would find small things to keep me going and look forward to.  If I recall, that summer I reminded myself that I wanted to watch episodes of my favorite television show.  When I was younger, television and actors played a large part in my drive to keep going.  In later years, I was determined to graduate college, despite what I viewed were my short comings.  I became focused on winning the prize which was my diploma.  I worked, dated,  went to parties, and did other "normal" activities.  However, I continued to live my "double" life.   It was hard letting people get too close because of my "issues."  

I was 31 years old when I was finally able to give names to my "oddities."    I was diagnosed with chemical imbalances called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Tourettes Syndrome.  Although I had already developed coping skills to live with my disorders,  it was so freeing to learn that my oddities were chemical imbalances and not the result of some deep Freudian thought caused by my unconscious mind that needed to be unlocked.   

Eventually, I graduated with both a bachelor and a masters degree.   My initial career focus was to become a criminal attorney but I decided that my passion was more focused in counseling.   I got married,  divorced, then lived in "sin" for many years and gave birth to my daughter.  I have been a therapist for 17 yrs now.   I love what I do.   At my place of employment we have a rehabilitation site on the lower level.  The day before the long July 4th weekend we had a barbecue for the clients who attend.  When I went downstairs  I watched the client's smiling and laughing and seeming to have a great time.   Many of those client have battled and overcome situations that I can not even fathom.   However, there they were eating and laughing.  It makes me smile.

My point is this.........If I had given up on myself all those years ago,  I would not have been around to experience many of the joys in my life.   I would not have held my new born daughter in my arms,  met so many of the wonderful people who are now in my life,  enjoyed a career that has given me so much pleasure,  watch my daughter receive her high school diploma,  and most recently visiting Scotland with my daughter(graduation/birthday present) to see a movie premier of a favorite actor and take in all the beauty of that country.    

I am not saying that life is not without challenges.  What I am saying  is that sometimes we have to go through those challenges to able to appreciate and embrace the wonders of life.   So whenever I feel "challenged" I look at my daughter to remind myself of what I would have missed out on if I had allowed my depression to overcome me all those years ago. 

#AlwaysKeepFighting

HOPE: # AlwaysKeepFighting

My daughter graduated from high school last week.  I watched proudly as she and approximately 640 seniors in her graduating class of 2015 received their diplomas that May evening.   However, there were two classmates who also graduated with diplomas but were not present to receive them.   One classmate died of leukemia earlier that year and the other took a gun to school and shot himself despite school staff pleading with him to stop, a week before his graduation.  I can not begin to imagine the grief and loss those two families are experiencing.  Two beloved children, one lost to a medical illness, the other lost to a another type of illness, invisible but no less deadly. 

According to the World Health Organization, 350 million people are affected by depression with an estimated 1 million deaths by suicide a year.  Those are staggering figures.  But this blog is not about statistics.   This blog is about those millions of individual experiencing symptoms of depression that fight on a daily basis sometimes moment to moment...to live.  I am a twitter junkie (for lack of a better term), and recently I came across a "hash tag" started by an actor who struggles with bouts of depression; #AlwaysKeepFighting.  

What an inspirational idea to help battle depression.  Too often people with depression feel isolated and alone.  They suffer in silence and at times even put on a "front" so as to not "burden" family and friends.  When what is really needed is to reach out for support from family, friends, professionals, and sometimes a support group, even social media.   I hear a lot of grumbling about the dangers of social media with bulling and threats, but there is also a positive side.  I am not in anyway saying that social media can replace professional support but if someone is feeling hopeless it might be a place to start.  The fact that a popular actor can reach out to friends and family, and his fans about his disorder, can give a "ray" of hope to someone who is not able to ask for help.

HOPE, is such a short word that says so much.  Hope is the belief that things will get better.  That the stress or pain you are feeling is temporary and will eventually pass.  It's the mind set that as long as you continue to fight and endure you have a chance that things will inevitably get better.  

Here are a few ways to help instill hope.   Remind yourself what you are grateful for.  Too often, people focus on what they have lost such as health, family, friends, income..etc.  They continue to live in the past rather then focusing on the present and what they do have.  Appreciate what you do have, daily. 

Also, think about the people in your life who love you.  Sometimes we feel alone even though we are really not.  We do not have to have significant others to be loved.  Family and friends are also sources of love.  Reach out to them, even if it is not to discuss you depression, sometimes talking to a loved one makes us feel just a little more hopeful.  

Another way to inspire hope is to do self care.  Do something nice for yourself, give yourself something to look forward to.  When I was an adolescent, I used to look forward to watching a favorite television show.  It was not much but it was enough to keep me going until that following day or week.  

It kept me fighting... so that decades later I could sit with other proud parents and watch my daughter receive her diploma.  

Don't give up hope. #AlwaysKeepFighting

Once Upon a Time, Be The Hero Of Your Own Story

One of my favorite shows is ABC's "Once Upon a Time."   For those who have never heard or seen the show, it is based on fairy tale characters from another land thrown into our world by a curse.   Each season the characters are challenged by pivotal situations that tie into a central theme.   Earlier this year the show emphasized the strength of family bonds.  The second half of the season is focusing on what traits constitute heroes and villains.  The writers presented back stories for the two main "villains" by showing how external forces and poor choices led them to become who they are today.  The two characters are not really "evil" but are not "model" citizens either.

Anyway, the whole hero vs villain theme started me pondering on heroism.  How do we define heroism? Can we be our own hero?  Stories tell us heroes take chances, they are said to be courageous, and are risk takers.  The news presents stories of someone running into a fire to save a life or creating a vaccine that cures an illness.

However,  in actuality,  heroism is much more simple.  Haven't we all tried something that we are unsure of?  For instance,  speaking in front of a crowd when you have social anxiety or going out on a date after your heart has been broken.   A child who turns his night light off for the first time is courageous. Isn't' that taking a chance?  Any time you take a risk you demonstrate courage.  So what’s stopping us from being the heroes of our own story.  Our reality is what we make of it.

We all have it within ourselves to become the heroes we strive to be. We can change how we interpret our past, how we view ourselves in response, and how we live today as a result.

Being the author of our own story allows us to see opportunities and become inspired by choices that come before us.  Our successes are a result of the choices we make.  We our the creative writers of our own life scripts and play the leading role.   No one else can live our lives for us.

So take credit for your achievements, acknowledge your strengths, and become your own hero.

Achieve Your Dreams and Goals Do Not Make Resolutions

In the New Year it seems like everyone makes resolutions;  lose weight, stop smoking, eat healthier, spend more time with family etc.....   Then what happens, one day you don't feel like going to the gym or you just have to have that doughnut that someone brought into the office.  You begin to slowly slide back into old patterns and before you know it you say to yourself, "The hell with this, I will quit next year."  Thus, the spiral continues..

Here is the thing,  I do not believe in making resolutions.   That is not to say I don't believe in making changes, I do, or I would not be working in the behavioral health field.   However, the danger in making resolutions is that they do not really have any substance.  They often are simply statements without any plan on how to follow through.   Change, real change, requires planned steps on how to make the change, putting supports in place, and plans if you slip so you do not completely give up.

Change requires passion.  Passion creates the motivation that drives us to do whatever or wherever we a trying to go or achieve.   So lets say someone decides to quit smoking because their wife/husband/doctor tells them they should.    If their heart is not really into it there is a strong chance that they will  not succeed in this endeavor.   However,  if someone decides to quit smoking because it effects their breathing when they do an activity that they love there is a stronger likely hood that this individual will follow through with their goal.   That is not to say that they might slip or slide backwards at times, but they are more likely to have a better outcome.  

So what are you passionate about?  Is there some dream you want to accomplish?  Do you want a career change? Do you desire to be healthier?   Consider it.  Is it feasible?  Is there a likely chance that you can achieve your desire or goal?  If so, take a small step, create a short term goal.  It might be that you need to do some research so research it.  Then make some more tiny steps.  Most of the time is a good idea to have an approximate time frame to complete your steps.   Additionally, it is beneficial to map out possible barriers to your progress in order to prepare for set backs.   If you do have a set back do not let it waver your motivation.    Life is unpredictable at times and sometimes we have to adjust our dreams and goals.  Have supports in place and remind yourself  why you want to accomplish your goal.

One of my present goals is to travel more.   Recently,  I have spent most of my time raising my daughter and focusing on my career,  and of course keeping a roof over our heads.    However, my daughter is now a young woman heading for college in the fall of this year and I am currently satisfied with my career.   The one thing I have thought about but not made any steps towards is traveling.  My first destination is Scotland.  Like most others I live paycheck to paycheck,  so I have to do some planning.   I am currently working on getting all my monthly payments paid ahead of time so I have some extra money to put away.   Next, I will take the bonuses I get and put a portion of that aside.   I have a tentative schedule of late spring to actually go on the trip.  So I am looking for package deals on the internet for the end of May early June.   I would like to do this as a graduation present for my daughter and a birthday gift for myself.    If something happens between now and April where I find I cannot pay for the trip then I will adjust my schedule.  My point is that I want to make this happen and pending any emergencies I plan on trying to achieve my goal.   

The one thing I have discovered this past year is life is short and change is eminent.   I have always been a creature of habit and stepping out of my comfort zone is scary.  

 However, if you don't take the step you may never know what wonderful opportunities you might miss!