MY FATHER

My father passed away tonight.    He was suffering from pulmonary heart failure.   It's almost been a year since he began to be experience severe symptoms and he spent much of the past year in and out of hospitals.  However, despite all his hospitalizations this past year, I refused to believe that my father would succumb to his illness.

I thought to myself, this is my father we are talking about.  My father is the strongest man I know.  He is the person who was always there to protect his daughters.  He was a man who commanded  respect from others because of his dynamic personality and leadership skills.   He was a man who was always there for his family even if he did not always agree to choices they made.    I still recall my father walking me down the aisle telling me it was still "not too late to call off the wedding."   My perceptive parents knew long before I did that my future husband was not a good "fit."    Dad had an opinion about most things and more half the time he was right.   

When I was young, my dad always seemed larger then life.   He was a tall man with broad shoulders and heavily built.  He spoke in a vociferous voice no matter what the occasion, and always seemed self assured.   When dad was in a room his presence was always evident.   In reflection, I always felt my father could do anything.   He seemed invincible.  He was my first role model.   So naturally when he became ill this past year,  I thought my dad would overcome this too.    However, aging affects all of us eventually, and even my "larger then life" father could not prevail over getting older and the ill health that comes with it.   

I would love to say I was the perfect daughter, but of course that 's not true.   As many people do,  I became engrossed  in my own life, raising my daughter, and focusing on my career that I did not spend as much time as with my parents as I could have.    Even after my father was diagnosed with pulmonary heart failure,  I still continued to focus on my own path and did not change my schedule enough to spend time with him.  I kept telling myself I had time.     

   

What I have learned this past year is that in being human we are all fallible.    I will take with me this life experience to not take for granted the people I love.   No matter how busy or full life gets, we only have this short time on earth to spend with them.  I don't want to waste another minute of it.