President Elect Trump: Fear and Uncertainty is Causing Too Much Panic

I am sitting at my Ikea desk right now reflecting on what seems to be occurring right now in the the United States.  I am reading news and viewing things on the social media about the climate of my country. People are protesting, angry and bitter posts are cropping up all over, and stress and anxiety have spiked for many.  I think it spirals down to one thing... Uncertainty.

Many of us right now (myself included) are concerned about the future and what it will mean for us and our families.  I voted as many people also have stated they did,  for what I felt was the lesser of two evils.  I think with Hillary Clinton there was a feeling that although she was not the "ideal" candidate, we at least knew what we were getting into.   There was a sense of familiarity in voting for her.  Contrarily, there was the other candidate Donald Trump who appeared to be a wild card.  He often appeared arrogant, abrasive,  and did not seem to have a filter when it came to speaking his mind.

Well here is the thing...I didn't really know either of them.  I like most Americans, could only make decisions based on what we  saw or heard from media, speeches, and rallies.   I voted for the candidate who I viewed had more experience with working in the government and advocating for the rights of others.   Well guess what?  My candidate did not get elected..

So now we have President Elect Donald Trump.   Am I concerned?  Do I have some fear?  Am I curious as to what having him as the President will mean for my family and I?  Of course I am.   I have no idea who Donald Trump really is.  I was honestly not impressed by how he presented himself on  television or on the social media but that does not mean that he is evil incarnate either.

I have decided that  I want to see what Mr. Trump does once he officially takes the office of the Presidency to determine whether or not I support his beliefs or not.   I have also decided that I will believe in this country's governmental system that was developed  hundreds of years ago to prevent one individual from having too much power.

I hope I am right..but I feel that my beliefs are a lot more rational then fleeing the country I was born in right away or initiating more fear by condemning the beliefs of others.

What is Family

Today I  am reflecting on family.  When I became a mother 20 yrs ago I made a decision that the one thing I  was going to give to my daughter was the knowledge that she is loved.  I  know that as  parents we try our best to guide our children to make good choices in life and to find happiness along their journeys However,  another thing I  wanted to impart to my daughter is that she is loved and accepted for who she is and will become.

As a child, my parents provided us with a roof over our heads and materials comfort.   I believe the term was upper middle class.  The one thing that was lacking was emotional nurturing.  I don'the know, maybe it was because I  was born into a family where children were to be "seen and not heard" or maybe my parents were raised by emotionally distant parents themselves. I just know that to this day I  do not feel an emotional connection to my mother.  My father passed away 2 yrs ago.  He was a hard worker and always made sure we had food,  clothing, and shelter.   However, did I  really know my dad..not really.  My parents never really understood mental illness.  My mother still doesn't.   She still uses terms to refer to people with mental health issues  as "those people are crazy."  Sometimes I  want to turn to her and say,"Hey mom, I  am one of those people. "  She often mentioned that I  use my disorders as a crutch when I  try to explain that I  sometimes need self care or when I  state I am doing the best I can in my life.  I  always  have to hear that other people have problems so "deal with it."  I sometimes get tired of trying to explain myself .

So I  decided that the one thing I  am going to try to give my daughter is compassion and acceptance.   True I can not necessarily give my daughter all the material things my parents have provided me
I am grateful for those things.  Yet, I  can not help feeling that my parents understanding who I am and taking an interest in my life as well as their granddaughter would have meant as much.

Thus, I chose a slightly different route.  I try to take an interest in my daughter's life. I  parent but I  also try to listen as well.  My daughter is really an amazing young woman.   I an so proud of the person  she is becoming.

 I  wish I  could say that my mother  could say the same for me.  But then she would actually have to have taken the time to get to know me. I  know my mother loves me.  It's just that I have never really felt it...

Once Upon a Time: A Truth About Happily Ever After

 I  admit that when I watch an episode of "Once Upon a Time" and a character mentions that they want their happily ever after by finding their "true love," I cringe.  Why, because I am realistic. I'm not saying that there can not be happiness involved in finding love. I am saying that life does not suddenly stop when you find that someone that you love. What fairy tale endings do not reflect is that being in a relationship does not suddenly solve all of life's problems or fulfill all our hopes and dreams.  Being with your "true love"  or "soulmate" does not mean that our struggles suddenly stop or we will no longer face challenges because lets face it, that's a part of life.  

What I do think is that if you find that special person they can enhance the quality of your existence and help you find strength and support on your life's journey.  As the quote above notes real life is about both tears and laughter.  Hopefully, more laughter than tears, but still essentially living bestows us both.  Also, if you think about it many fairy tales do not end with a happy ending because the characters make poor choices that irreparably damages their lives and they have to except the reality of their choices.

Now to return to the show "Once Upon a Time."   I have noticed in this sixth season that they seem to be expanding on their previous short version of find "true love = happy ending."  For instance Snow White and Prince Charming have found one another over and over.. so now what?  Snow thinks perhaps she wants to teach again.(I realize if you do not watch Once Upon a Time you probably have no idea what I am referring to, but just go with it..)  The point is that it's nice to see some growth on the show.  If you are going to go on for six seasons I say give the audience more. Why? Because while it is nice to believe that we will all meet someone and be happy forever and ever..it just is not reality.  I like a show with some depth.

I truly believe that life is more than just getting to a destination.  It is the journey we travel as we gain experiences that helps us develop and grow as individuals.  I also believe that we continue these journeys as long as we are alive and open to new experiences.  That's what makes living an adventure.....

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Sorry doctor, cancer is not an option, I simply can't afford it.

The excitement of aging encompasses yearly physicals which includes new and thrilling tests such as bone density scans and mammograms.  During my most recent exam one of my physicians (Everytime I visit the practice I meet a new doctor or PA because they keep leaving the practice), discovered a nodule on my thyroid.   Naturally this led to a thyroid ultrasound.  This was fairly simple, I pay a copay for the physical, another copay for the follow up to discuss the physical, and one more copay to complete the ultrasound.  I then return to pay another copay for the results of the ultrasound.   So let's see, that is 4 visits at $35 each for a total of $140.  Okay not too bad so far.

Next I discover my nodule is 2 cm which according to my most recent PA (sorry, can't recall his name), means I need to have a fine needle biopsy done.  I leave the office with my blood pressure prescriptions and the name of a few endocrinologists.

I then do some Google research to learn more about thyroid nodules, fine needle biopsies, and thyroid cancer.  I am pleased to discover that 90% of thyroid nodules are benign. Additionally,  thyroid cancer if discovered is most often the easiest cancer to treat.

I then make a few calls and schedule an appointment with my new endocrinologist specialist.  My copay for specialists is $50. So, slightly more money.  Since I have my first appointment during my vacation week I go visit the office to return to them the package of completed paperwork they mailed to me.  I discover that my pending appointment is a consultation.  Basically this is a meet-and-greet with the specialist. I pay $50 for the privilege.  I ensured my records were sent from my primary care office (I've heard horror stories about records not being sent).

I had my meet-and-greet this morning.  I sat with the doc for approximately 15 minutes where we, again, reviewed why I was visiting.  She agreed that a needle biopsy was warranted due to its size of 1 cm (evidently, the nodule shrunk a centimeter between offices). I left the office with another referral to a lab that does biopsies, x-rays, and ultrasounds, and $50 follow up appointment the following month to discuss the results of the biopsy.

To review, I am adding another $100 to my initial $140 in co-pays.

I then go to the lab to schedule my biopsy. I called my insurance company to find that I have to meet my $3500 deductible for the lab.  So...I have to pay for both the cost of the biopsy and the reading of the biopsy.   Fortunately,  the lab bills the insurance first so I do not have to pay upfront. This is a good thing because if I had to pay first, my biopsy would most likely be delayed several months since my bill debtors and utilities really are not interested in my medical issues.

I am hopeful that my nodule will be found benign and I will simply have to monitor it yearly for any growth. Of course since it appears to be shrinking in size between offices I am again hopeful!

 The issue is this...what if this nodule is found to be cancerous?  What happens then? I'm not so worried about the cancer problem as I am the cost of trying to cure it.  See, like most others I live paycheck to paycheck.  I do not have $3500 to spend on treatment before I meet my deductible.   Case in point,  last year I broke my bridge and the cost for a new one is $2500. I  am still walking around with this same bridge.   So $3500 is pretty much out.

What do I say to my car loan lenders? Sorry I need to treat cancer and meet my deductible so you are not getting paid for 2 months.  That should go over well.  Perhaps I can get that empower for my electricity.. Sorry cox communications you are a luxury and besides who needs coping skills to manage the stress of cancer anyway.  I refuse to acknowledge rent at this time.  I mean hey having cancer and being homeless at the same time..hell, a dream come true..no stress there.

The way I see it, in the likelihood that I  have cancer, I have two options.  First, I can pay my deductible and treat my cancer.  This will be followed by either homelessness and car repossession or both.  But hell I will have my health, right? The second option is to continue to pay my bills and work and try to save up money to pay for my deductible.   I  might become more ill or possibly die but I will have a roof over my head, food, a car to buy food, and electricity to cook the food.

The thing is..this is reality..because my income is too high to qualify for Medicaid I pay $196 a month for health insurance through work.  However, since I live paycheck to paycheck I can not afford the deductible if I need it.  I have met with many people who are impoverished trying to come up with money to pay for their medical bills.

Why is it other countries have free medical care for their citizens but the great USA does not?  I find it astonishing that I am more concerned about the financial repercussions of possibly having cancer then I am about having cancer itself.

Tell me, is there something wrong with this society that allows its citizens to feel this way?

SOME WORDS OF WISDOM BY RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Let me start by saying I do not believe in making New Year resolutions.   I find too many people make very generalized goals such as "I am going to lose weight this year or I am going to quit smoking" without any plan of how they are going to achieve those goals.    What often happens, is that after a month or so the drive to obtain the goals decreases and eventually there is no follow through.   Then an individual may berate themselves over yet another "failure" which causes decreased self-esteem, frustration,  and sometimes depression.

However, that does not mean I don't believe in starting the New Year with an optimistic view.  I find that inspirational quotes by the legendary  poet, lecturist, and essayist,  Ralph Waldo Emerson, reflect the power an individual has in creating and determining their own destiny. 


"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.  "

This quote instructs us that we determine the paths we choose to follow in life.    It states that we as individuals create our own destiny.   I'm not saying that outside factors can not influence our choices but ultimately we make the choice on how we respond to those factors.   Some ideas to help find that destiny include: finding things in our lives that make us smile and laugh,  make some time in your life to play,  listen to your intuition, celebrate your small victories,  and be gentle with yourself. 

 So often people become frustrated if they do not succeed in an endeavor right away.   Life is about growth, learning, and change.   How can we grow if we don't make mistakes?  If something does not work out for us that is a sign that we need to make a change somewhere.  Many of our role models have struggled first before they achieved their desired goals.    Also do not let anyone tell you what your limits are.   That is for you to decide and no one else.  


"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

Once again this quotes empowers the individual to choose how we are affected by the external world.  It allows us the idea that we make the decision to either live in suffering or peacefulness.   That is not to say that we can not feel pain, loss, or sadness.  It just means that we can make the decision not to wallow in that misery.  It says we are able to find peace within ourselves by believing in our strengths and honoring our achievements.  Most of all I think it means celebrating our own uniqueness as individuals.   

There is a reason it is stated that "there is no one else quite like you."  It's true.   Each and every one of us have are own special qualities and traits. 


 Wouldn't it me nice to start this new year off by appreciating all that is you?

DEFINE NORMAL - FIND THE COURAGE TO STAY STRONG

  

I did something amazing 34 years ago.   I decided to not give up.   I admit I wanted to.   I really, really,wanted  to.  I was tired, confused, overwhelmed,and frightened.  I had no idea what was wrong with me.   At times I was seemingly "normal."   I had friends, interests, hobbies, and dreams.  Other times I was someone else.   A secret person who I did not understand.    This someone had thoughts that would bother her until she acted out in compulsive behaviors to mollify those thoughts.   This someone also had other compulsions such as twitching or vocalizing sounds when the urge came on to do so.   I can remember as far back as 6 yrs old lining up my the stuffed animals I slept with every night in just the "right"way.   If I did not get it "right" I would proceed to jump in and  out of bed the number of time my current age and repeat.  

 I was 18 years old the time I contemplated giving up.  I didn't really have a plan.  I just knew I wanted it to stop.  I was tired of living two lives. My brain was exhausted from unrelenting thoughts that drove me to perform odd ritualistic behaviors.  I had just graduated high school and was going to start college in a few months.   I so scared.  I  made it through that summer though.  True, I ended up pulling out most of my eyebrows and eye lashes during those summer months.  My college career began with my wearing lots of eye liner pencil. The crux is I did not give up.  I didn't allow my fear and exhaustion to overtake me to a point of no return.  

How did I manage?  Honestly, I would find small things to keep me going and look forward to.  If I recall, that summer I reminded myself that I wanted to watch episodes of my favorite television show.  When I was younger, television and actors played a large part in my drive to keep going.  In later years, I was determined to graduate college, despite what I viewed were my short comings.  I became focused on winning the prize which was my diploma.  I worked, dated,  went to parties, and did other "normal" activities.  However, I continued to live my "double" life.   It was hard letting people get too close because of my "issues."  

I was 31 years old when I was finally able to give names to my "oddities."    I was diagnosed with chemical imbalances called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Tourettes Syndrome.  Although I had already developed coping skills to live with my disorders,  it was so freeing to learn that my oddities were chemical imbalances and not the result of some deep Freudian thought caused by my unconscious mind that needed to be unlocked.   

Eventually, I graduated with both a bachelor and a masters degree.   My initial career focus was to become a criminal attorney but I decided that my passion was more focused in counseling.   I got married,  divorced, then lived in "sin" for many years and gave birth to my daughter.  I have been a therapist for 17 yrs now.   I love what I do.   At my place of employment we have a rehabilitation site on the lower level.  The day before the long July 4th weekend we had a barbecue for the clients who attend.  When I went downstairs  I watched the client's smiling and laughing and seeming to have a great time.   Many of those client have battled and overcome situations that I can not even fathom.   However, there they were eating and laughing.  It makes me smile.

My point is this.........If I had given up on myself all those years ago,  I would not have been around to experience many of the joys in my life.   I would not have held my new born daughter in my arms,  met so many of the wonderful people who are now in my life,  enjoyed a career that has given me so much pleasure,  watch my daughter receive her high school diploma,  and most recently visiting Scotland with my daughter(graduation/birthday present) to see a movie premier of a favorite actor and take in all the beauty of that country.    

I am not saying that life is not without challenges.  What I am saying  is that sometimes we have to go through those challenges to able to appreciate and embrace the wonders of life.   So whenever I feel "challenged" I look at my daughter to remind myself of what I would have missed out on if I had allowed my depression to overcome me all those years ago. 

#AlwaysKeepFighting

HOPE: # AlwaysKeepFighting

My daughter graduated from high school last week.  I watched proudly as she and approximately 640 seniors in her graduating class of 2015 received their diplomas that May evening.   However, there were two classmates who also graduated with diplomas but were not present to receive them.   One classmate died of leukemia earlier that year and the other took a gun to school and shot himself despite school staff pleading with him to stop, a week before his graduation.  I can not begin to imagine the grief and loss those two families are experiencing.  Two beloved children, one lost to a medical illness, the other lost to a another type of illness, invisible but no less deadly. 

According to the World Health Organization, 350 million people are affected by depression with an estimated 1 million deaths by suicide a year.  Those are staggering figures.  But this blog is not about statistics.   This blog is about those millions of individual experiencing symptoms of depression that fight on a daily basis sometimes moment to moment...to live.  I am a twitter junkie (for lack of a better term), and recently I came across a "hash tag" started by an actor who struggles with bouts of depression; #AlwaysKeepFighting.  

What an inspirational idea to help battle depression.  Too often people with depression feel isolated and alone.  They suffer in silence and at times even put on a "front" so as to not "burden" family and friends.  When what is really needed is to reach out for support from family, friends, professionals, and sometimes a support group, even social media.   I hear a lot of grumbling about the dangers of social media with bulling and threats, but there is also a positive side.  I am not in anyway saying that social media can replace professional support but if someone is feeling hopeless it might be a place to start.  The fact that a popular actor can reach out to friends and family, and his fans about his disorder, can give a "ray" of hope to someone who is not able to ask for help.

HOPE, is such a short word that says so much.  Hope is the belief that things will get better.  That the stress or pain you are feeling is temporary and will eventually pass.  It's the mind set that as long as you continue to fight and endure you have a chance that things will inevitably get better.  

Here are a few ways to help instill hope.   Remind yourself what you are grateful for.  Too often, people focus on what they have lost such as health, family, friends, income..etc.  They continue to live in the past rather then focusing on the present and what they do have.  Appreciate what you do have, daily. 

Also, think about the people in your life who love you.  Sometimes we feel alone even though we are really not.  We do not have to have significant others to be loved.  Family and friends are also sources of love.  Reach out to them, even if it is not to discuss you depression, sometimes talking to a loved one makes us feel just a little more hopeful.  

Another way to inspire hope is to do self care.  Do something nice for yourself, give yourself something to look forward to.  When I was an adolescent, I used to look forward to watching a favorite television show.  It was not much but it was enough to keep me going until that following day or week.  

It kept me fighting... so that decades later I could sit with other proud parents and watch my daughter receive her diploma.  

Don't give up hope. #AlwaysKeepFighting